Well a week or so ago I had one of the strangest "spurts" I've ever had. It was "I suffered a silly injury and I called an attorney and he told me to go to the ER" night. Seriously.
The first was a 40ish male. Unemployed. Trucker hat. Dirty shirt. Cigarette in ear. He had been at the movies with his "gal" and apparently had gotten into some sort of altercation with another Rhodes Scholar. The cops had come and in the process he had been cuffed for a time. He had some wrist pain from the cuffs. No other injuries. Just some wrist pain. Anyway, he had gone home that night and called one of our world famous personal injury firms, "Scumbag, Sleazeball and Scumbag". Some idiot screener he talked to told him he "might have a case" and that he should go to an ER right away. So there he was, red mark on wrist. Full range of motion. Mildly tender. Normal xray. Good luck in court. Thanks for coming.
The second was a none the less entertaining. 38 year old female. Obese. Long fake fingernails. Big hair. Receptionist. She fit so many stereotypes, she looked like a Saturday Night Live Character. Slipped on a broken sidewalk coming out of work. Believe it or not she had actually NO complaints but she too had called "Scumbag, Sleazeball and Scumbag". Here was my convo with her:
Her: "I was walking out of work, blah, blah, blah, broken sidewalk, slipped, blah, blah, blah"
Me: "Ok, ma'am, I'm sorry to hear that. Where do you hurt?"
Her: "Oh, nowhere, I didnt really hurt myself"
Me: "Um, so what can I do for you in the EMERGENCY ROOM?"
Her: "I dont know, I called Scumbag, Sleazeball and Scumbag and they suggested I come get checked out to see if there was anything wrong."
Me: "They told you that?"
Her: "Yep. So is there anything wrong with me?"
Me: "Tons."
And if that wasnt enough, towards the end of my shift, after a relatively slow night, in walks our last "client". 26 year old female. 4 crabby, young kids in tow at 1am. Unemployed. Was at the grocery store two days ago, was reaching up to get something off the top shelf when she somehow lost her balance, fell backwards and in her words "bruised her butt". She too, unbelievably had called "Scumbag, Sleazeball and Scumbag" and had been told to get "checked out". I asked her why she had come in at 1am instead of earlier and suggested maybe her kids were crabby because they were tired and that perhaps she could have seen her regular Dr. She was BAFFLED at my suggestion that it MAY have been inappropriate to bring her three kids to the ER at 1am for an injury that happened 2 days ago and didnt even seem to be bothering her that much. I xray'd her pelvis, shockingly there were no fractures. She demanded percocet. I resisted. We argued. She got angry and walked out without a limp, threatening to include me in her lawsuit.
There is so much in the way of commentary I could add but alas, for the sake of brevity I'll bite my tongue. I think the stories probably speak for themselves. Take from them what you wish. But it did remind me of a joke I once heard:
What do you call 100 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.
Thanks folks, I'll be here all week........
9 comments:
Aye, Henry the VI had it right.
Gotta love em! I recently figured out why so many people come with the patient to the ER at midnight for a minor complaint: to get a work note so they can call out the next day. I find it odd for a 24 year old female with vaginal bleeding to accompanied by mother, father, 3 sisters, 3 cousins, an aunt and uncle, and 4 friends. At the end of the visit (4 hours later) and a dx of "menses" after having to usher the family out on more than one occasion to discuss private information or do an exam, everyone of the visitors asked for a work note. They were rude, hostile and seemed put-upon to be asked to leave the room for any reason all demand work excuses.
Diagnosis: A FALSE SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT!
Euthanasia.
Problem solved.
I agree!
Hey, it's only the first 99% that give the rest of them a bad name.
At my hospital we often jokingly say that the only cure for most of the patients in the ER is 9MM therapy.
Less subtly, the old quote: "there's nothing wrong with him that a shotgun blast to the face wouldn't fix."
You sure have a talent for humorous writing - keep it up!
And I think I laughed too much and hurt my ribs...do I have a case?
Marc, maybe you could call "Scumbag, Sleazeball and Scumbag"...Visit your local ED and see if anything is amiss...
Just kidding.
I've heard a lot of similar stories sadly enough...it's hard to believe people think they can make money from their own short-comings. I am an RN and I am working my way to policy making sort of jobs because I want to make a difference. Reading these strories of idiocy fuel my fire even more. I've worked in one of the busiest ED's in western Canada and some shifts you just wonder what people are thinking. I've also thought about going to law school and specializing in health care given my background (always had an interest in law) and I want to be on the other side of "Scumbag, Sleazeball and Scumbag" type of dorkus's.
Common sense is becomming less common.
Thanks for the entertaining reads Suburban Doc.
My name is Monica Stone and i would like to show you my personal experience with Percocet.
I am 35 years old. Have been on Percocet for 7 days now. It did help the pain but the side effects weren't worth it. I'd rather have the pain.
I have experienced some of these side effects-
nausea, very itchy, racing heart, anxiety, flashing lights(almost hallucinogenic?), weird dreams, tiredness
I hope this information will be useful to others,
Monica Stone
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